Apparently everyone does like Porn, some folks just like it a little more than others, tonight we found out who those folks were.  One guy said as he was signing up “Who the heck can study Porn, 12 minutes in and you’re like, “I’m DONE”!”   That being said, one team shined through with their obvious studious concern over Debbie and her frolics around the world, they nailed 50 points on the handout round that stumped everyone else, a handout so hard that it only gathered 10 points from two other teams and 5 points from 3 other teams and a big ZERO from the rest of our teams.  That handout was “DEBBIE DOES….”  It seems our winning team tonight did a bit of studying up on Debbie, and I’m sure it was hard work.  Our winning team, SLAPSGIVING was in 6th place till that magical moment after the handout rounds when they slid into 2nd place thanks to the big 50 in the round.  Kudos to SLAPSGIVING for their first time pubquiz win, first time in the final round.  Virgins really to the money shot.

The first team to lead was Team Tuddie, they took the bingo bonus quickly then stayed 2 points ahead in the second round, and in the end they didn’t get the win, they wagered big and then lost it when they chose “Sexiest Man Alive” as our final question.  They guessed Micheal Jordan or some baseball player, I can’t remember who or what, but the answer was in fact: the hot dead guy,  JFK jr.  SLAPSGIVING was the only team in the end to correctly identify that sexy man.  I guess SLAPSGIVING is just teeming with sexy info tonight.   One thing SLAPSGIVING–  I hope to see you back in the pink on another evening…perhaps next week your studies won’t have to be so HARD.

A shoutout to the folks that gave me the beautiful roses tonight…I brought them home and gave them love and water and a pretty vase to reside in.  I’m sad I don’t have more quizzes this week to trash talk and do porn, what a fun quiz week it was for me and for those who played with me.  Lucky Dave, he gets four this week.  He’s gonna be spent by the end of the week.

Pigs can orgasm for 30 minutes. Dolphins have prehensile peenes (see from last week, peenes!).  Bonobo’s like to do penis fencing.  I feel like I’ve learned sooo much this week.

Alright, I usually don’t bring up wrong answers on a quiz here in the blog… I usually just let them die in the night so the teams that answered them don’t have to relive the pain of a lost 5 points… but I just have to share this one!!! OMG!!

I’m sure my fellow Quizmasters know the feeling when you’re speeding through grading and you get one of those answers where you’re kinda like wtf?? Where did they come up with that? And it’s such an odd answer that you just can’t help yourself and you have to go back to your question sheet and reread the question just to make sure it might not be a right answer because it’s soooo odd… Here is the question as it was asked last night:

 22. What do some porn stars do to their bum holes to make them appear lighter?

Now the answer we were looking for was ‘Bleach them’… ok pretty straightforward… a little kinky and a bit nasty… but straightforward none the less…

This… I shit you not… was an answer I received:

Fill them with Helium.

Yea… you went back and reread the question didn’t you!!! LOL!!! I nearly gave myself a golden shower when I read that… I’m still laughing…

Well…. we did have a quiz going on last light and we had a great turnout so our pot was up to $120!! Yea!! ‘The Titalicious Scandel’ and ‘The Vacationers’ wagered it all on the final question and they each missed it by just a minor screwup on the title of the Scarlett Johannson/ Penelope Cruz lovemaking epic… so they got to split the 2nd place prize. But the Big Winner of the night was ‘The Lesion of Doom’ who got the title right and won the big spit of the pot!!! Well done!!!

Cheers!!

Dave

P.S. Alright I just have to ask… if you fill your bumhole with helium… would you fart in a higher key??!! HAHAHA… Just something to think about!!! It could be a whole new game at parties!!! LOL!!!

Ok, I know it dosn’t have the same ring as a “P” word in the middle there, but all the things I could come up with were FAR to raunchy for inclusion in ANY blog on the internet that you don’t have to pay to join.  What a fab-oo game tonight, with Porn as our theme, where could one go wrong?   We had a hot steamy pubquiz going at CC’s tonight, the whole bar and the quizzers were in a glorious uproar of smut.  The questions tonight really nailed that theme, and so we were off in chase of the money shot.

I had to blush just a little on reading a few of the questions tonight, and some of the boys were groaning over the term “Cream Pie” but c’mon, I think our IQ’s shot up at least a smidge tonight.   Some random porno related words I said out loud into a microphone tonight, w/o breaking a sweat:  Cream Pie, Ejaculation, Anal, foamy, frothing, bum hole, Urine (in fact the whole bar yelled out that one), shit, John Holmes and the best one: Dirty Sanchez.  Or perhaps the best was that Dirty Sanchez, Saved by the Bell AND Dustin Diamond were all in one question, and apparently in one sex tape.  Eee gads.  Everyone seemed up on the crap out in the viral video world however and nailed “Shit, Poop, Feces” on that first question of the night.  I found it entertaining that every single team wrote out “Shit, Poop, Feces” like I wouldn’t get it from Shit, or that I might mark you wrong if you confused Shit with Poop.

So the nights winning rolled again to The Streeps, our loyal beloved pubquiz team.  They rolled on over the bar who took first after getting bingo, and those Streeps took the lead at the end of the second round by 3 points.  I know, I know ,that means you actually came back by 5 points, thanks for pointing that out during the game.  Steagsaurus took second place tonight and some cool t-shirts home with them as well as some  of the money shot.

I got some GONZO tonight..well some pubquiz gonzo anyhow.  Trying out my new video/still cam….maybe next week I’ll take some video and post it up here…you never know what the QM is up to people.

Peep it below.

Shout out to the Portland Sister’s of Perpetual Indulgence for letting me get a quick pick of them on their way out to an Aid’s Walk in their attire for World Aids Day.  You can find out more about them here:  www.portlandsisters.net

Enjoy the peepshow!

My newest Holiday Drink, the Poinsetta!  Thanks Micheal Dibble, and CC’s bar staff for always keeping a girl in the drink, and pretty drink at that.

The Streeps hard at work.

Team Stegasaurus!  Can’t wait to see you in your matching T-shirts next week! 

Happy Thanksgiving from beautiful Seattle, WA! I’m up here, sitting at my parents’ desk, prepping to go stuff my face, just like I hope all of you are (sans the desk perhaps… perhaps you’re sitting on a couch, or in your car, or at a bar… anyway, wherever you are, please prepare to stuff your face… I wasn’t trying to rhyme all those words just now, honest.)

A good little quiz last night with seven teams, 29 peeps. Not too shabby at the Maiden, the night before a big holiday. The place was actually rocking’ a little bit, considering the general quietude of this cozy restaurant. People were yelling and laughing and cheering… which I am most indubitably FOR, though I was a little sick and just not able to yell back with my standard scathing counterattacks. A new team, Some Pig, was a table of four unremitting douchebags… I say this in the kindest way possible, as they were nice in the end, but boy howdy I thought I was going to kill ‘em during the course of the quiz, as they continously shoved their Dockers-clad, Blackberry-propping beer guts aside to shout terrible, tasteless jokes in response to pretty much every question. And by “jokes” I mean calling out fake answers. To the two people who read this blog: Fake answers are funny every every once in a while… like last night when there was a question about what queen was instrumental in ol’ Columbus’ mission to America to defile and exploit and kill native peoples. A gal shouted “Queen Latifah” and we all had a little titter. Queen Latifah. That’s good. Clever. But we must exercise our right to yell out fake answers in MODERATION, otherwise they quickly cease to be funny. Douchebags Some Pig yelled out fake answers EVERY single question last night, and so I secretly plotted their long and painful demise while continuing to read the quiz in a smooth and professional manner.

‘Course Some Pig ended up doing well and taking second place, barely losing to A Rafter of Turkeys by just 2 points. And they were very nice and gracious about it in the end, but, since I doubt I’ll ever see ‘em again, I will not hesititate in crowning them King of the Douchebags.

Got a lot of great handmade turkeys tonight too, and even took pictures of them. I made a little “Hall of Turkey Fame” on the convenient mantel next to my Pub Quiz station, and took a picture with my cell phone. But since I’m technically challenged, I can’t get the photo off the phone (and don’t want to pay the $5000 Sprint demands for Picture Mail service). But my two favorites were: the one painted as an American flag with Bush’s face on the thumb-head and the words “Thank goodness this TURKEY is almost done!” (Check and mate!); and also the one Barbara from Rafter of Turkeys made from old sparklers from last year’s cache of Fourth of July fireworks. After the quiz, we went outside and lit that motherfu*#$er off. It would have been AWESOME, except three of the four sparklers were duds. Still, a noble attempt from Barbara to celebrate our country’s fiery turkey spirit.

This blessed moment I DO have pics of thanks to Rafter of Turkeys member David, who kindly snapped the shots then emailed me them later. Thanks David! I owe you a beer!

Check out the pics!

Hey we’re supposed to cook the turkey, not vice-versa!

As Barbara’s turkey burned, I covertly got out my business card. A professional never stops networking!

This turkey is done!

Yeah, apparently there are all sorts of things that will open the eyes of the Thanksgiving shut-in.  I can’t wait for more food surprises over the coming years.  What could be better?  Tonight Butterball bet big after being in the lead all night, but the tricky final question (which nobody got right!) caught them and they ended in third.

Sandbar was second, and in first was the Jive Turkeys!  Good team names tonight, and we got TONS of awesome hand drawing turkey things.  Some had feathers, and my favorite had a turkey in a red felt santa outfit.  The downer was the angry pilgrim drawing in the upper right holding an axe.  I let my inner monologue pop out over the mic about how it was awful that the turkey who was so happy about christmas wasn’t going to be around for it!  On the upside, instead of being a little turkey food gobbler he will be a delicious main course.

Have I mentioned turkey day is my favorite holiday?

Allright, apparently I’m out of the loop on this Turducken thing… and my mom’s from the south as well… I thought I had heard it all but this I have to try… if anyone is doing a turducken this year I’m begging you to tell me about it and how it’s done… I have already decided that whatever it takes we’re going to have one next year… I can’t even imagine!

We had a good turnout last night as our Pot grew to over $100 before the night was over…  ‘The Space Turkey’s’ made some great turkeys for the bonus points and got into the final round but even with a balls to the wall wager couldn’t get into the cash… ‘Yellow # 5′ battled tough but came in second… which meant that once again ‘Schadenfreude’ took the crown at Biddy’s. Well Played guys!!

Cheers!

Dave

…that’s the only other acceptable plural form of penis besides penises. LOL! Too funny!

So, 2 teams meandered in at the last minute…totally 8 players. One team split up so that we had 3 teams. The bar manager gave her blessing…after seeing all the cute turkey hands! Yay! We are thankful for Cindy at Portsmouth Pizza.
Alrighty…so the Bingo round was arduous. Daddy’s Little Fatties finally got a Bingo…with only 1 answer left to reveal. Round 2 resulted in no Turkish millionaires, but we learned some things, nonetheless. The handouts were easy peasy. No problems with most of the foods; no problems with the elements. When the dust settled, Daddy’s Little Fatties were still in the lead. Everyone made their wagers…and everyone knew what a turducken was….so….the Fatties wagered all but 1 point…and that’s what pushed them to the lead!! Duty on Top came in 2nd and all was good at Portsmouth.

Everyone have a fantastic Thanksgiving! Eat wayyy too much. Take lots of naps and be all sorts of lazy.

Hand Turkey #1

Hand Turkey #2

Hand Turkey #3

Hand Turkey #4

Hand Turkey #5

Hand Turkey #6

Great night at CC Slaughter’s tonight.  We had a couple of new teams come in to play, and one of them WON!  Team Awesome whom usually plays at the stinky ol Belmont Inn decided to drop by and play with us at Slaughter’s.  They won some good money as well as first pick of the prizes, which were kick ass t-shirts and hats and movie passes last night.  Nice bunch of turkeys for me to ponder over and give points for as well, I promised to take pics of those and put them up here for you all to peep, and I will get to it..forgive me, I’m awash in giving Thanks!

It was an awful lot of fun watching the bar team doing that wonderful walk of shame for the Who Am I? round, one of my favorite games at Pub Quiz, I love saying “Ooh, sorry, ZERO for you team blah blah!”  I truly live for that.  I dream about telling teams they will get no points….So thanks for giving me some good shit to fuel my dreams, I’ll keep that stuff swirling around till it gets covered up by another random dream sequence of something like me chasing monkeys out of the zoo while they are asking me what time it is, and then yelling at me about my shoes that don’t match.

Well imagine my surprise when I get to the Green Dragon last night and learn that it has been sold to the Rouge Brewing Company!! WOW!! Well what a great night we had to show off the quiz as we had the lowest turnout ever at the Dragon due to the holiday week… nice… I love making a great first impression!!!

After talking to Russ from Rogue after the quiz, we’re still on for great Monday night quizzes for the time being…. he wants to play it by ear and see how it goes.. so if you enjoy having the quizzes at the Dragon I’m giving a shout out for all of you to come in the next few weeks to show the new owners how great our crowds can be!!!

A big thanks to the 4 teams who came in last night as we had a fun little battle royal more for pride than money!! Those are usually the best quizzes and last night it was no exception!

All four teams got into the final round and all four got the final question right… ‘The Vacationers’ and  ’Sketelins’ ended up in fourth and third and out of the cash… ‘The Legion of Doom’ fought hard but missed first place by a lousy 3 points… ouch!!! The overall winner last night was ‘The Cerebral Pals’ who rode some strong handout rounds and the bingo bonus to victory… Congrats!!!

Thanks again everyone for coming out… and please come on out next week to show the new owners some Pub Quiz Love!!!

Cheers!

Dave 

There is something about “Name that Tune” that makes for a good quiz.  It might not seem fancy, but there is something inherently rewarding about tunneling to the depths of your brain to recall the name “Tom Waits.”  I mean, really, how often does anyone think about Tom Waits?  How often does an entire room of people think about Tom Waits? Not too often, I bet. 

Of course, everyone was thinking about him at the quiz last night at Parkway Station – who is that raspy, drunken man, and what the hell is he saying?  The quiz joy was tangible!  Of course, it could also have been the number of bonus points being consumed.  I have never been introduced to so many goofy sounding beverages in one night.  Aggie Banana, Purple Boobie, Unicorn? Ha!  That’s nothing!  Here is the recipe for a “Richard Simmons,” a drink I created for a story I once wrote (my students think writing isn’t fun!).

A Richard Simmons: two parts coconut milk, two parts pineapple juice, two shots cherry brandy, one shot dark rum. Pour over ice, dump in a shot of grenadine and garnish with maraschino cherries and an umbrella. Drink through a swirly straw if you’ve got it.

Yummy!  The character needed to get sloshed on something fruity with a stupid name (for a drink). 

Congratulations to “Playing with Ourselves” for their win last night, and to “Dazed and Confused” for taking second place.

Cheers,

Leandra