Why, what a sweet little gentle Mother’s Day-themed crowd came out to the ol’ Belmont tonight! Just like me old mum herself!

The only hitch on this lovely night came from a orange-shirted booer playing with a team directly to the right of us. That’s right I’m talking to you, team with the orange-shirted booer douche and the guy with the long blonde ponytail and glasses. I sadly can’t remember your team name, but if you are reading this, I hereby out you and your orange-shirted booer douche ways. On an otherwise excellent night, your orange-shirted booer-douche booed loudly following pretty much every answer I read that your team got wrong. Orange-shirted booer-douche even booed a few of the questions themselves! Most of the time we didn’t even know what he was booing about since he was too much of a pansy to come to the table and speak his mind in a mature and articulate fashion, but I scorn him and wish an itchy rash upon him. He doesn’t know how close he came to severe pain as Executive Assistant Renee was ready to throw down on his ass. It took all my strength and mental proclivities to hold Renee back and her ninja strength. Orange-shirted booer-douche: you got lucky tonight. You got very, very lucky.

Everyone else, thank you for a wonderful, fun quiz. Your Mom’s Black Boomshanka, good to see you back in the winner’s circle. And my dear, wonderful mother, thank you for carrying me to term and pushing me forth into the world. Thank you for giving me a tennis racket when I was seven and for teaching me to read when I was four and for not disowning me that time I flooded the bathroom at the ice skating rink. Love you!

-Justin W. Sanders III