Things got off to a rousing start tonight when a blonde bimbo in jogging shorts and a navel-baring t-shirt approached the table to sign up a team. She giggled erratically, talked a blue streak, and seemed to be gnashing her teeth as if on something powdery and white. After learning that the cost to play is $3 per PERSON and not per TEAM, she berated me for a while for not announcing that fact more clearly (which I did announce clearly, but in her defense it is hard to hear other people when you love the sound of your own voice that much), signed up two people for a team, grabbed the requisite handouts, went back to her table, and promptly began sharing the pencil quizzes with the entire group of six or more. I went over to politely remind her that everyone on a team must PAY before they can PLAY, and she smacked her lips a couple times, rolled her eyes and said, “somehow I get the feeling this quiz is going to be kind of challenging.”

The girl and her group of miscreants wound up leaving the bar after one Bingo question, dumping their quiz materials on an innocent bystander sitting by himself at a nearby table. So he got a free quiz out of the deal and seemed to enjoy himself quite a bit. Later on, he even shook my hand and said, “hey man, you run a great quiz. I’ll definitely be here next week.” Thank you, crackhead girl, for bringing us in new customers!

The start of the quiz was further marred by not one, but two different non-players (on opposite ends of the bar) who decided it’d be fun to yell out answers despite my repeated pleas into the mic to please stop. Finally the enormous Belmont Inn bouncer stepped in and shouted at them to knock it off. They promptly did. Apparently even morons can tell when a fellow is capable of snapping their necks with one pinky finger. I, on the other hand, couldn’t snap the neck of a little kitten, and would be too busy cuddling the poor thing to even consider such a notion in the first place.

As we continued, the Belmont crowd continued to be raucous, quizzers yelling things at me from their seats and finding issue with what felt like every other question. Quizzers, if you are reading this, I implore you to please read the following with even more attention and care than you usually dote on my endlessly fascinating and insightful prose: I love you, I am here for you, and I look forward to quizzing with you week in and week out. However! If you yell at me from your seat as opposed to approaching the table and talking things over in a calm and reasonable manner, I will do my absolute best to ignore you and in my head I will wish an irritating rash to overtake some especially sensitive area of your body. And as the great and venerable Walt Disney Corporation taught us,

Miracles can happen

they can happen to you.

Miracle can happen,

they can make your dreams come true.

Understood? Are we good? Good.

And until next time, keep on rockin’ my little kitties…

-Justin

P.S. Congrats to Biege Food Flies South for their first victory at the notorious Belmont Inn, with a whopping 6 points!