Wow some exciting action at the ol’ Belmont Inn tonight, what with the unranked Oregon State Beavers HANDING #1 ranked USC their ASSES right there, on the screen, as my quiz was going. The place was jammed with people screaming their heads off and making me feel like a rock star (even though the cheers weren’t for me, but that’s not really so different from my normal daydreaming, so it worked out just fine. Wait… I’m hearing some cheers right now! Yes, thank you! Thank you so much! I’m here all night! Thank you, you’re beautiful… especially you. Yes you. You’re hot. Wanna hang out?)

Anyway, things got even more exciting tonight when I forgot to add the 50th sign-up to my tally, and therefore assumed there were only 49 folks going into the final round, and thus putting only three top teams in. But, BUT! An astute representative from Boners With Sweat Pants ran over at an incredible speed and cried “no! I signed up late, remember? And you forgot to enter me, you miserable cretin you!” And I counted the moola, and sure enough (!), I had $150 in my lil’ pot, meaning that yes! I had erred and we were indeed in for a five-team final. (Actually, he was very nice, as all the lovably gruff Boners With Sweat Pants always are. I’m glad he spoke up!)

This set us up for an epic finale in which the murderous Get Yer Ass To Mars saw their dominating 53-point lead evaporate in the face of a final-round question that only one team knew. Yes, my beloved (well, you’re all beloved; but come on, any team that references the Kurt Russell classic Big Trouble in Little China week in and week out is especially beloved, am I right?) Pork Chop Express somehow knew that Mark Zuckerberg is the CEO of Facebook, and a recent BILLIONAIRE, and therefore took the first place prize. A billionaire… Jeeze Lou-eeze. A billion dollars for putting together a glorified message board. I am in the wrong business with this Pub Quiz stuff… but I’m having way more fun than Zuckerberg, right? Right!? While he’s sitting on his yacht with diamond-encrusted toilet seats and bikini-clad women sniffing cocaine off his belly-lard, you know he’s saying to himself, “Sure, I’m one of the richest men in the world, but my life just isn’t complete without that Pub Quiz gig I never applied for. Sigh… ah well. Jeeves, bring me another bottle of Johnnie Walker Black so that I may drink away my sorrows. And throw a bundle of these C-notes on the grill. You know I hate Sea Bass roasted over fifties.”

Yeah, I’m sure glad I’m not HIM.

Lovely having Executive Assistant Renee back in the house. She is my grading assistant rock. Not only does she grade quickly and flawlessly and give me endless moral support, but she also feeds me many of the jokes I utter into the mic and (every now and then) get mild giggles with from people who wish I’d just shut up and roll on to the next question. I have to give Renee a special shout-out on this post because tomorrow (almost today says my drunk-ass internal clock), September 26, is her birthday! So, if you’re reading this and you’ve never commented before, now is your chance! Wish Best-Assistant-Ever Renee a wonderful birthday and think about us tomorrow (today) night, as we celebrate in style singing bad Barry Manilow tracks at the Family Karaoke Studio on Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway, the Funnest Extended Strip Mall in the World!

Lovies!

JWS